In peace, may you leave this shore (In love, may you find the next)
by maudsfeather
Summary: Alicia Clark meets Elyza Lex and they're just so gay that zombies drop dead of exposure to fabulousness. Or more seriously, Alicia meets Elyza and they feel a connection. Almost like... they knew each other in a past life. (For those who don't know - Clarke and Lexa from The 100.) Rated M for violence, language and woo-hoo scenes in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own FTWD because if I did, Eliza Taylor would already be in it.**

* * *

Chapter 1

Elyza Lex was having a very good day. She had scavenged a shotgun along with two big packs of shells, a brand new stainless steel canteen, a barely used pair of commando boots, painkillers, three packs of cigarettes, and an entire carton of canned food. She hadn't had that good a haul in months. Most importantly, she hadn't seen a single person; living, dead, or undead.

She walked back to her car with the carton of food in her arms and moved some things around in the trunk, making sure to arrange everything as securely as possible so that any reckless driving she might need to do wouldn't send things flying at her head. There were already plenty of ways for her to die in this mess of a world, no need to add stupidity to the list.

She sighed contentedly as she surveyed her neat pile of belongings and decided she deserved a mini-vacation. She knew the beach wasn't far, so she closed the trunk and got in the car, grabbing her sunglasses from the glove box and buckling her seat belt. She drove twenty minutes or so before she spotted a stretch of coast that seemed inviting. Parking the car directly on the beach, Elyza hopped out and did a quick routine check. No zombies. Good. No rotting corpses. Good. No people at all. Good.

Feeling entirely relaxed for the first time since she'd passed L.A., she proceeded to get her towel, a can of soda, and a cigarette. As she plopped herself down and buried her feet in the warm sand, Elyza thought that the only thing missing was music. Sometimes she wished technology still worked. She also really, really missed her guitar. Unfortunately, guitars don't sound so great once you've used them to repeatedly bash in skulls, not to mention that getting the blood off would be a disgusting task. Damn walkers.

Elyza wondered if it would be safe to sleep on the beach tonight. How much safer would she be in an abandoned house than she would be in her car anyway? Okay, maybe a little safer. She'd slept in her car before, though, and she had an okay-ish security system in place to wake her up if she needed to quickly make an escape.

She lit her cigarette and looked up at the clear sky, noting that the stars would be visible tonight. There were few things as relaxing as feeling the ocean air, listening to the waves, and staring up at the stars while laying in the cool sand. Fuck it, she felt like sleeping on the beach, she was going to sleep on the beach. What would be the point of all this surviving, if she couldn't stop to enjoy the good things?

As that thought crossed her mind, she had a strange sense of déjà-vu. _Maybe life should be about more than just surviving._ She felt like she had said those words out loud before, she just couldn't remember in what context. This gave her pause, and she sat unmoving for several minutes trying to recall the memory, until she felt her fingers abruptly getting hot and she dropped the end of her cigarette in surprise.

Her stomach was starting to protest from lack of food so she got up, took her newly acquired shotgun from the front seat of the car, loaded it, and slung it over her shoulder thanks to the strap it was attached to. She also grabbed her axe, because a shotgun blast is about as subtle as a stampede of elephants and she'd rather avoid attracting anything. She locked the car before heading on foot to a patch of trees a few hundred yards away to gather firewood.

It was only after she had already come back, lit a fire, put a pot of soup over it and started rummaging through her things for her utensils that she noticed her new boots weren't in the car. _What the hell?_ She was sure she had tied them to the side of her green duffel bag. She searched the car a second time, thinking she might have overlooked them somehow. Not only were they nowhere to be found, Elyza now realized a few other things were missing. Her windbreaker. One of the bigger flashlights. Maybe a few cans of food, but she couldn't be sure.

A spike of fear ran through Elyza's body and she quickly jumped out of the trunk back onto the sand, pulling her shotgun from her back and scanning the area around her. She couldn't see or hear anyone. Hadn't she locked the car before she left? She inspected the sand for footprints, but it was so soft and scattered that she couldn't tell if those were her footprints or someone else's. Heart rate slowly returning to normal, but still feeling uneasy, Elyza tried to gather her thoughts. If someone had been here and stolen her things, why hadn't they taken more? It would have been more efficient to just grab one or two bags and run. Whoever it was, they had ninja skills and that worried her. The thought struck her that the person could still be here, watching from afar, hidden in the trees or near the road that ran parallel to the coast. This was no good. No good at all.

What if she was just being paranoid? Maybe she somehow misplaced a few items while rearranging the trunk in the parking lot, and _thought_ about tying her boots to her duffel bag but didn't actually do it. _Fuck,_ she thought, _I'm losing it._

Whatever the case may be, she didn't feel comfortable staying on the beach anymore. She quickly went back to her soup, cursing under her breath because she had left it unattended too long and the bottom of the pan was sticky with overcooked mush. She carefully poured the soup into a thermos, leaving out the mush, then rinsed the pan in the ocean, using sand to scrub the bottom. She kept a keen eye on her surroundings for any movement.

 _One day. One single, good day from beginning to end, without anything to ruin it. Was that too much to ask for?_

Throwing a panful of seawater onto the dying fire, Elyza picked up the rest of her belongings, got in the car and drove back to the road to head towards the nearest houses. They were roughly 10 miles further in the direction she had been heading, on the outskirts of a small town. It was only mid-day, which meant she had plenty of time to get there and clear out a house to spend the night in. She slid a CD into the battered car stereo, determined to cheer herself back up, and concentrated on the road ahead.

* * *

 **A/N: I've been reading fanfiction for years now, but this is my first time posting anything online. Feedback is very welcome, including constructive criticism, but also flattering compliments :D Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Elyza opened her eyes and found it was still dark. She groggily brought her wrist up in front of her face and pressed the little button on the side of her father's watch, illuminating it with blue light. It was 4:17 a.m. Thinking that her need to use the bathroom was what had woken her, she started unzipping her sleeping bag, and as she did so, she heard yelling outside. She froze and listened for more sounds. A car engine sputtered. Doors slammed. Someone yelled. The sounds started getting closer, and it seemed like some kind of fight was happening.

Elyza hastily attempted to untangle her legs from her sleeping bag, grab her gun from the floor beside the couch, and stand all at the same time. This resulted in her crashing into the coffee table, and she probably would have sliced her head open on the edge of it if she hadn't caught herself. Nothing like a good apocalypse to instill some reflexes into you in record time.

Finally extracting herself from her stupid bag, Elyza crouched over to the nearest window, pushing the dusty curtains aside and peeking through a crack between two wooden boards she had nailed over the window the previous day. As her eyes focused and she realized what she was seeing, her brain instantly snapped into wide-awake survival mode.

A very, _very_ large horde of walkers was approaching, slowly but steadily climbing over cars and pushing through the battered wooden fences of the surrounding yards. A few feet ahead of the horde, closest to Elyza's window, were two people running. Ignoring her instinct to go help them, she stayed crouched at the window and observed for a few seconds as they distanced themselves from the horde, running faster, stumbling once or twice because of the bags and weapons they were carrying. Looking a bit further behind them, Elyza caught a glimpse of a stationary car headlight as the walkers swarmed around it. It seemed like the two runners had crashed into a parked truck then abandoned the car, taking their things with them.

Elyza continued to watch them, becoming increasingly nervous as they ran closer and closer to her house, then slowed into to a jog. One of them looked around at the nearby houses, apparently searching for a place to hide. They were bringing the horde right to her goddamn doorstep.

She stood and collected her belongings, vaguely registering the two voices talking outside. Luckily she was prepared, having left most of her things in her locked car, taking only one duffel bag with her valuables and a few clothes into the house. She slung the bag over her shoulder and hurried towards the door that led from the kitchen to the garage, gun in one hand and car keys in the other. The garage had been open so she had parked the car directly inside knowing it would be easily accessible from the house, as well as being well-placed for a quick escape.

Elyza silently opened the car door on the driver's side and leaned across the seat, putting her bag on the floor in the passenger's side. As she was pushing herself back up to sit behind the wheel, she heard glass breaking, then a woman's voice.

"Aden! We don't have time, we need to keep running, they're catching up!"

Elyza left the car door open and advanced in the shadows of the garage towards the driveway to see what was happening in the street. It was hard to make anything out because most of the street lamps were broken, but by this point the two runners were right across the street from her, and in their haste they hadn't noticed her yet. It seemed like the second person had broken a car window to get the door open and was now attempting to hot-wire the car, their legs sticking out past the door and their head hidden near the pedals where Elyza couldn't see.

"Aden!" the woman said again urgently, raising her gun toward the approaching walkers. Elyza turned her head to look at the horde and realized how much closer it had gotten in the few seconds that had passed. She took three strides back to the car and jumped into the driver's seat, closing the door and buckling her seat belt. At the same time, she heard the car in the street start. She twisted in her seat and looked back through the rear window of her car. The person who had hot-wired the car, Aden, apparently, was getting in the driver's seat with his bags.

"Come on, get in!" he shouted at the woman, who had been peering at the garage. It didn't seem like she could see Elyza but she must have heard her closing her car door.

The woman looked back towards Aden and ran to other side of their car, opening the passenger's door, and just as Elyza started her own car and shifted it into reverse, preparing to back out of the driveway, Aden and the woman's car died.

"Fuck!", Elyza heard the woman say, "Aden, come on, just get out, we need to run!"

Elyza made a split-second decision and slammed her foot onto the accelerator, backing out of the driveway and turning onto the street, tires screeching a little, so that the driver's side was facing Aden and the woman. They had backed away onto the sidewalk and were both pointing their guns at Elyza's car, they had probably thought she was going to run them over. She ignored the guns and rolled down her window.

"Get in!" she shouted at them.

They hesitated for a second before rushing towards Elyza's car, quickly looking back at the line of zombies leading the horde and who were now just a few yards away. The woman jumped in behind Elyza while Aden ran around the front of the car and got in the passenger's seat.

They had barely closed their doors that Elyza was already speeding forward, carefully watching both her rear-view mirror and the road in front of her, headlight beams cutting through the dark, her attention entirely focused on not crashing into anything. For a few tense seconds that seemed like minutes she slalomed between debris on the road and a few stray zombies who had heard the commotion and were coming in from the opposite direction.

As things calmed down and Elyza started slowing the car to a normal speed, still checking all her mirrors for any signs of trouble, Aden let out a heavy breath of relief and looked at her.

"Wow, thanks. That was intense," he said.

"Yeah, thank you," said the woman in the back seat, and Elyza saw a pair of eyes looking at her in the darkness of the rear-view mirror.

"I'm Alicia," the woman said, "This is Aden."

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who favorited/followed/commented, it makes me smile and encourages me to continue writing.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! No, I haven't died. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update - I'm a slow writer, and sometimes I don't feel like writing for months on end. I've also been dealing with some bad heartbreak and haven't felt like writing anything romance-related. However, the fact that I'm still getting email alerts of people subscribing to my story has motivated me to keep going. Thank you :)**

* * *

Chapter 3

Elyza was feeling a little bit nervous. Every once in a while, as she drove in the calm of the deserted road, she'd steal a glance at Alicia's reflection in the rear-view mirror. Sometimes she'd catch her eye before quickly looking away, but most of the time, Alicia was staring out the window, leaving Elyza to study her silhouette, softened in the darkness of the still-early morning.

Aden had fallen asleep in the passenger's seat a half hour ago, his head leaned against the window, after they all agreed on driving until it would be light enough to find a safe place to stop. The sun came up at 6 this time of year.

Wanting to distract herself from the involuntary glancing game she was playing with Alicia, Elyza slid a CD into the stereo, making sure to turn the volume down first as to not wake Aden. She forced herself to stare at the horizon in front of her as the lazy jazz sounds coming from the speakers enveloped her in a bubble, and soon, Elyza was transported back in time, reminiscing about when she was a child. Her father would put a vinyl on his old record player, then make her dance by placing her tiny feet on top of his and guiding a giggling Elyza into graceful steps all around the living room. She'd feel like she was flying, her cheeks flushing and her hands gripping her father's sweater tightly as to not slip off the top of his feet. This jazz album used to be his favorite.

Lost in the memory, Elyza didn't notice the rising sun slowly spilling orange light all around them, nor Alicia's green eyes observing her in the mirror.

"Are you okay?" Alicia's timid voice startled Elyza out of her reverie.

Realizing that the thoughts of her father had brought tears to her eyes, Elyza quickly blinked them away, slightly embarrassed that she had let herself get emotional in front of a stranger.

"I'm fine," Elyza cleared her throat, "just thinking about stuff."

She looked over at Aden who had stirred a little in his sleep.

"Is he your brother?" she asked Alicia.

"No," Alicia replied, turning to look back out the window.

Then, still looking out the window, "Would it be okay if we stopped now? Aden and I haven't slept all night, I don't think I can keep my eyes open much longer."

Elyza looked at the rough wilderness stretching on all sides around them. Unless she was mistaken, the nearest town was still a ways away, not counting the now walker-infested one they had left behind. She had a few jugs of drinking water and food left in the car to hold them until then.

"Sure," Elyza replied, "Let's find a spot with some shade."

* * *

The heat was stifling and even though all the windows were open there wasn't a breeze to be found, and Elyza was sweating. She unstuck herself from the leather car seat and rolled to her other side, facing the window, trying to get comfortable. She heard Aden stirring behind her in the passenger's seat, probably just as uncomfortable from the heat as she was.

They had been stopped under a lone tree in the middle of nowhere for the past five hours, and Elyza was pretty sure no one had slept much. She certainly hadn't. They had only gotten about three hours of pleasant early-morning temperature before the sun decided to start roasting them in the car like sardines in a can.

Elyza's left side was already too hot and sticking to the car seat. She rolled over once more, facing Aden, and saw that he was laying on his back with his eyes open and his arms above him on the headrest. He seemed to be lost in thought. Elyza craned her neck to look in the back where Alicia was laying across the length of the seats, but she couldn't tell whether she was sleeping or not, Alicia's head was hidden by Aden's reclined seat.

Elyza sighed and pushed sweaty hair out of her eyes.

"I'm going outside to pee, I'll be back in a minute," she whispered to Aden.

He startled a little as she spoke, then nodded, looking at her curiously as she took the car keys out of the ignition, shoved them in her pocket, grabbed her hunting knife from the top of the dashboard, opened her door and stepped out of the car.

Leaving the door open, Elyza walked off towards some low bushes in the distance, thinking about what her next step should be.

They were complete strangers. Now what? She had decided to help them in the heat of the moment, not thinking about what kind of awkward situation she might find herself in if they happened to be untrustworthy, or if they ended up not wanting to leave so that they could take advantage of her supplies. Not that she would actually mind their company all that much – they seemed alright, really, and she was tired of being lonely… _but they're strangers,_ she reminded herself.

After squatting in the bushes and cursing the lack of toilet paper in this zombie-infested world (toilet paper was getting harder and harder to find, not to mention it took up a lot of space, so she only used it when she _really_ needed it – using water instead when she had access to it), Elyza headed back to the car, squinting in the sun at the two figures moving around it. Alicia and Aden were up, Aden was stretching and Alicia was squatting over something on the ground, her arms busy with whatever it was.

As she got close enough, Elyza realized it was a small fire.

"California heat not enough for you?" Elyza asked once she reached them, quirking an eyebrow at Alicia and letting an amused smile escape.

Alicia raised her head to look at Elyza and smiled back, rolling her eyes.

"I'm hungry. _You_ try eating that shit cold," Alicia tipped her head at the canned meatballs sitting on the ground near the fire she was tending to.

"If you're making meatballs, we need spaghetti," Elyza decided, walking to the back of her car and fishing out the box of dry food.

"Oh my god. I love you," Aden said enthusiastically, walking around the car to stand on his tip toes behind Elyza, craning his neck over her shoulder to look at the box. "We've been eating just canned meatballs and peaches for four days straight. We didn't have anything else."

Elyza laughed and threw the spaghetti box for him to catch, turning back to the car trunk to look for her utensils. Alycia already had a grill set over the fire and was in the process of filling her camping pot with water.

Aden and Alicia busied themselves making the food and setting up a small area for them to eat comfortably, laying out a blanket and plates on the ground, leaving Elyza to stand there feeling slightly useless. She definitely didn't notice the beads of sweat sliding down Alicia's neck and into the curve between her breasts as she crouched in front of the fire, giving Elyza a view of her cleavage, nor the way her tank top stuck to her body. She also didn't notice how Alicia's arms were thin but toned, or how her dark hair fell upon her face as she leaned down, or how her lips were pink and her cheeks were flushed from the heat.

 _Nope. Nope. Not going there. Don't be an idiot, Elyza._

Snapping out of her very gay thoughts, Elyza went to fetch her atlas in the glove compartment, sat on the blanket, and concentrated on the pages as Aden served them the cooked food.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, I'm truly sorry it's been so long. Things are starting to get a bit better for me, and I've been able to get back into this story. I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 4

Elyza was staring again. It wasn't her fault, really. There she was, sitting on her towel, minding her own business, thank you, when Alicia casually walked out of the ocean and started making her way towards the spot Aden and Elyza had chosen on the higher edge of the beach.

If Elyza hadn't gone to get water from the well when they parked at the beach, she would have been at the car to see that Alicia had shed most of her clothing before heading into the ocean to cool off.

However, Elyza did go get water from the well, and when she came back, it was to find a sopping wet Aden sitting on a towel, and Alicia's head bobbing in the ocean a few yards out into the water.

Therefore, as Elyza sat down and reached for one of the water bottles Aden had brought from the car, unscrewing the cap and taking a few big gulps, she was taken completely off-guard by the image of Alicia emerging from the water in her bra and panties.

Realizing a little too late that Aden had caught the look on her face, and that he was inconveniently observant for his age, Elyza grinned at him sheepishly. He gave her a sort of sideways look with one eyebrow raised, smiling back at her, and opened his mouth to say something teasing, no doubt. Before he could, Elyza playfully pushed his shoulder, and said,

"Hush."

"What is it that I'm supposed to be hushing about?" he grinned, "surely not the fact that you were just creeping on my sis-"

Eliza covered his mouth with her hand, muffling his words even though she knew Alicia probably hadn't heard what he said, and threw herself on top of him, pinning him down with her weight. She then moved so that she was straddling him and raised her water bottle above him, threatening to dump it on his head.

"You were saying?" she asked triumphantly, but Aden just laughed. He was already wet from swimming, and he knew Elyza wouldn't waste drinking water.

Before she could understand what had happened, Elyza found herself flat on her back, Aden's knee firmly pressing into her abdomen. She squinted up at his shadow against the sun and found him grinning down at her, holding her water bottle.

"Aden is annoyingly good at brazilian jiu-jitsu," Alicia warned Elyza as she approached them.

"Get off me, tit," Elyza said good-naturedly to Aden, pushing at his knee.

"Fine. You stink, anyway," he said, standing up and wrinkling his nose.

"Excuse me, I was busy filling jugs of water while you were getting your beauty bath," Elyza quipped back at him.

She did kick her shoes off, though, and shimmied out of her pants and shirt herself before heading towards the waves.

It was extremely refreshing. Elyza took advantage of the fact that she could just enjoy her bath for once, knowing Alicia and Aden were on the lookout near the car and that she didn't have to worry about intruders. Funny how less than a week ago she didn't know the two at all, and now she trusted them enough to leave them alone with all her belongings while she scrubbed herself clean then floated on her back in the ocean, eyes closed.

After a few minutes something cold and hard brushed against Elyza's back, beneath her, and she cried out in surprise and in fear, her heart threatening to jump out of her ribcage. She kicked out and splashed water in every direction as she distanced herself from the thing as quickly as possible, before stopping to get her bearings when realizing that nothing was chasing her. She looked around, but couldn't see or hear anything.

"Elyza!" Alicia was calling, running towards the water with a machete in her hand, Aden following close behind.

"No! Stay there," Elyza replied turning back around, "I'm okay!"

She continued to peer at the water, but all she could see was the waves that were gently rocking her back and forth. It could be that she had freaked out over some driftwood, or trash of some sort, but she preferred not to take any chances. She swam towards Aden and Alicia, who had stopped just at the edge of the water and were watching Elyza with concerned looks on their faces.

"False alert, I think," Elyza said once she got closer.

"Even so, we should be more careful next time," Alicia replied, as Elyza started walking onto the sand, "plus, I keep thinking about how infested the water must be near the coasts, I don't know if we should even be swimming in it."

"I told myself the same thing for a while, until I decided I didn't care anymore." Elyza replied, as all three of them made their way back to the towels.

"You don't care if you die? Or become ill?" Aden asked seriously.

"That's not what I meant," Elyza explained. "It's just – I got sick of having to be so careful all the time, you know? I want to be able to enjoy things. Otherwise, what's the point?"

"You can't enjoy things if you're dead," Aden replied quietly.

They sat back down at their spot and watched the horizon in silence. A light breeze had finally picked up, drying them and keeping them cool. Then Alicia murmured something, softly enough that Elyza wasn't sure if she was speaking to them or to herself, and Elyza noticed goosebumps on Alycia's arms.

"What?" asked Elyza, looking at her.

"Maybe life should be about more than just surviving," Alicia repeated, turning her head to meet Elyza's gaze.

* * *

After giving themselves another hour or so to rest and eat a snack, Elyza, Aden, and Alicia reluctantly returned to the car to continue their journey.

The day they had met, Aden had pointed out on Elyza's atlas where he and Alicia were headed. They were planning on crossing the Mexican border, which was the direction Elyza was going in, so she had invited them to continue south with her until they needed to part ways. Initially, Alicia had politely declined, thanking Elyza while Aden silently stared at Alicia. Elyza had given them some space to pack their things, pretending to continue studying her atlas while trying to listen in on their heated whispering match that happened as Alicia moved around the car to gather their belongings.

When Elyza had looked up from her atlas again, it was to see Alicia walking off towards some shrubs while Aden approached Elyza, looking a bit awkward with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Um, if it's okay with you, we'd actually like to tag along after all," he had said.

"Are you sure?" Elyza had asked, glancing at Alicia's retreating form.

"Yeah. Don't worry about her, she'll be back in a minute," he'd replied, smiling reassuringly.

So they had hit the road, making ridiculously slow progress because of all the abandoned cars, debris, walkers, and occasional groups of living people whom they preferred hiding from to avoid potential trouble. They'd had to stop after only an afternoon of their snail-pace driving because they'd run out of gas, and then it had taken them three whole days to find more. All in all, they'd been advancing much more slowly than if they had been going to Mexico on foot. They had debated abandoning the car, something Elyza had thought of multiple times since leaving Sacramento on her own. However, the Toyota was their only refuge when they didn't have anywhere to sleep at night, and they would have had to leave a good amount of supplies behind. They also knew that the smaller roads that went through the mountains and parks on the east side of California were probably a lot less populated, but somehow, following the coast was more reassuring than venturing into the wilderness.

Now back in the car after their ocean bath, Elyza was starting to sweat again. _Damn this California heat._ She squinted at the landscape out her window and spotted a winding path that connected to the road, leading up a hill.

"Wait, slow down," she told Alicia, who was driving.

"What is it?" asked Aden, leaning forward to look past the windshield.

Elyza pointed to a spot above the hill where the tip of a cell phone tower was just visible, roughly two miles away.

"Cell tower," she said, "I should be able to get a good view of San Diego from up top. We really shouldn't drive into the city without knowing which roads look manageable."

Aden and Alicia stared at Elyza.

"You want to climb a cell tower?" said Alicia, looking at Elyza like she had lost her mind.

"Yes. It's not that bad, I have climbing gear in the trunk. I've done it before," explained Elyza.

"Ooookay then," said Aden as the car started moving again, Alicia taking them towards the path, "it's your funeral, Lara Croft".


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Carabiners," said Elyza, standing at the base of the cell tower and holding up a carabiner in one hand, "see?" she pointed at the diagonal rungs that made up most of the tower's structure and that went all the way to the top.

"All I need to do is clip my two carabiners onto the bars as I go along. It's simple, but it's essential to check all your gear before climbing anything," she continued, subconsciously going into instructor mode, "That's where the danger is, it's when people don't check their gear. Your life depends on it; if you slip and a strap on your harness doesn't hold up because it had a nick in it… that's all it takes for you to get hurt."

Aden was staring up at the tower, his mouth slightly open, while Alicia listened attentively to what Elyza was saying.

"Here, I can show you how I set up my harness, if you want," Elyza said to them both, feeling her cheeks warm a bit under Alicia's gaze.

After teaching them the basics, Elyza grabbed her small backpack which contained her water bottle and a pair of binoculars, as well as a pair of biking gloves that she slipped onto her hands before putting the backpack on and tightening the straps. Walking back to the tower, she clipped her first carabiner onto a rung.

"I'll go keep a lookout," said Aden, and he walked back to the car which they'd parked fifty yards away, while Elyza checked her harness a third time.

"Aden doesn't like heights," Alicia said to Elyza with a slight smile.

"Oh," replied Elyza, "right."

Not knowing what else to say, Elyza turned back to the tower and took a deep breath, relaxed her muscles, and put a foot on the first rung; readying herself for the long ascent. Then she started climbing.

"Be careful," she heard Alicia's soft voice tell her from a few feet down below.

Elyza continued climbing at a steady pace, alternating between both carabiners by clipping a second one before removing the first, so that she always had at least one of them attached as she progressed upwards. When she finally reached the miniscule platform at the top of the tower and sat down, both carabiners securely attached, she opened her backpack and took a moment to sip some water and catch her breath.

Then, finally focusing on the scenery around her, Elyza found San Diego in the distance, a big cluster of buildings and roads. She frowned at how abnormally dark it looked, dread starting to build in her chest, and took out her binoculars to get a closer look.

* * *

Elyza was not looking forward to breaking the news to Alicia and Aden. She took her time climbing back down the tower, making an effort to arrange her facial features into something neutral. Alicia was still waiting near the base of the tower, and as Elyza jumped down the last five feet, Alicia approached her looking slightly apprehensive.

"What is it?" she asked, as Elyza looked down and started undoing the straps on her harness.

Elyza bit her lip. Either her attempt at a neutral expression had been poor, or Alicia was just as observant a person as Aden was.

"San Diego is..." she shook her head, then looked into Alicia's eyes, "it's a disaster, Alicia. The whole city's been burned as far as I could see, there's craters everywhere in the streets, buildings knocked down, and I saw big groups of walkers hanging around the perimeter... it looks like a war zone. It's the worst city I've seen so far."

Alicia stared at her wordlessly and Elyza couldn't quite identify the look in her eyes. There was definitely worry there, but there was something else.

"That bad?" she asked.

"Yes," Elyza replied.

Alicia swallowed and looked towards where she knew San Diego was, even though they couldn't see it from here.

"So we can't go through it."

It was more of a statement than a question, but Elyza replied, "no," anyway.

They both started walking back to the car where Aden was waiting for them. He was leaning against the hood and flipping Elyza's hunting knife up into the air before catching it again, then repeating the motion.

"Stop that," said Alicia sternly, striding up to him and snatching it out of his hands before he could throw it again, "it's not a toy."

"I _know_ that, Alicia," he replied, rolling his eyes at her. "I'm not going to stab myself in the chest with it."

"No," snapped Alicia, eyes flashing, "but you could cut yourself, and-"

"Then what? I might need a band-aid? Big whoop," Aden interrupted, exasperated.

"All it takes," hissed Alicia, "is for one cut to get infected."

There was an uncomfortable silence. Aden's ears became pink and he dropped his gaze to the ground, his arms crossed defensively against his chest, before murmuring, "Sorry. I forgot."

"You would do well to remember," replied Alicia, more calmly now.

She briefly put a hand on his shoulder as she passed him to put the knife back in the car. Elyza moved towards the car as well, with a glance and a sympathetic smile at Aden, before retrieving her atlas from where they'd left it on the dashboard. Walking back around to set it on the hood of the car, Aden standing beside her and Alicia joining them, Elyza opened the atlas to the bookmarked page that showed San Diego and the surrounding area.

"San Diego's a no-go, so we're going to need to take the back roads," Elyza informed Aden.

"Why can't we go through the city?" he asked, frowning.

Elyza hesitated.

"It's overrun," supplied Alicia, with a glance at Elyza.

Aden seemed to want to inquire further, but kept quiet as Alicia studied the map. Perhaps he was worried he would upset her again.

"What do you think about taking this road over this way?" Alicia asked Elyza, pointing at the map, "think it'll be far enough around? Once we reach road 67 we can turn south again."

Elyza looked at where Alicia's finger pointed to on the page.

"I don't know about going through El Cajon. I think it might be too close to San Diego. The… affected area seemed pretty massive from what I saw. I'd feel safer going a bit further west, to the state park and Pine Valley. I know it's a bigger detour," finished Elyza uncertainly.

She was beginning to worry that Alicia and Aden would want to part ways with her, to go a different direction if they didn't agree with her on which path to take. She realized that the thought bothered her more than she would have liked; she had enjoyed their company for the past four days and even though they knew very little about each other, something just felt familiar and safe about being with Alicia and Aden. She couldn't explain it.

"What do you think?" Alicia asked Aden.

He seemed pleasantly surprised that she was asking for his opinion, and it apparently motivated him to reflect seriously on the question before answering.

"I trust Elyza," he finally said, looking at Elyza and smiling, then looking back at Alicia. "If she thinks San Diego isn't safe, I think we should do what she says and stay away from it."

"I think so too," Alicia replied.

"Honestly, we'll probably get to Mexico faster this way, anyway," Elyza added matter-of-factly, spirits lifting considerably at the knowledge that her two companions didn't plan on leaving her just yet.

"I know. I still keep asking myself whether we should have done this a lot sooner," Alicia said, closing the atlas and handing it to Elyza.

They once more made themselves comfortable in the car to resume their journey, Aden extracting 3 chocolate energy bars from his backpack and handing one each to Alicia and Elyza, keeping one for himself and biting into it before contentedly leaning back into his seat. Clearly, Elyza wasn't the only one who was relieved with their decision to stick together. Even Alicia, who still seemed in an odd mood since hearing the news about San Diego, managed one of her small smiles as she turned the key in the ignition.

* * *

 **A/N: I know this wasn't exactly an action-packed chapter, but it's a necessary one to transition into what happens next :) As always, thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

They had to spend another restless night in the car. The next day they set off early, more exhausted than ever, and by midday they reached the state park. They couldn't believe their luck when they found an unoccupied log cabin that faced a small creek close to the park border. Elyza was aching for a proper bed and a full night's rest, something she hadn't had the luxury of enjoying for about a fortnight now.

The cabin seemed to have served as a family vacation home before the zombie epidemic. Everything inside it was very tidy, albeit a bit dusty, and most of the cupboards and closets contained only basic necessities like cookware and blankets. Elyza imagined that whatever else the family needed when they'd come here, like clothes and food, they'd bring with them when they'd stay.

Aden had picked the lock on the door using two of Alicia's bobby pins. Elyza, recalling how he had hot-wired a car on the night she had met him and Alicia, had wondered where he had learned all of this and whether she should be worried about it. She put it somewhere in the back of her mind to ponder at a later time.

She was now studying the framed drawing that sat on the dresser in one of the two bedrooms, her duffel bag discarded on the floor next to a set of bunk beds and a wooden chest. This must have been the children's room. The drawing, which looked like it had been made by an eight-year-old, colorfully depicted two boys playing on a swing set. The edges of the wooden frame that held the drawing was covered in a collection of animal stickers.

Elyza stood there, staring down at the frame in her hands, feeling her throat tighten. She wondered where the family was now. Were they even alive? She imagined how terrified the two boys must have been when the world started to end.

 _No. No_ , she told herself. _You can't think about that stuff._

Elyza took a deep breath and exhaled through her nose before opening the top drawer of the dresser and gently placing the drawing inside.

"I figured this would be the kids' room," came Alicia's voice from the doorway. She was carrying her hiking backpack on one shoulder.

"Yeah," replied Elyza before clearing her throat, "doesn't look like there's much in here. Toys in that chest, I'm guessing."

"The parents' room is the same. Just some blankets and towels in the closet. You can take the bed there, if you want; Aden and I will sleep in here."

"That's fine with me," Elyza replied.

She picked her duffel bag back up and stepped out into the hallway, Alicia moving aside to let her pass, then walked a couple steps down to the parents' room and set her bag down just inside the doorway. She didn't linger in the room, but instead walked back out to inspect the bathroom that separated the two bedrooms. She flipped the light switch, testing it out of habit and not expecting it to work. It didn't.

"Guys, we've got water!" came Aden's voice from the kitchen. Elyza heard his footsteps quickly approaching on the hardwood floor before he came into view, "Go on, try the shower!"

Elyza obliged him, turning the big knob above the bathtub. Clear water gushed out of the spout and Elyza grinned.

"Fuck yes," said Alicia, who was now standing next to Aden in front of the bathroom. She moved inside to open the small vanity across from the tub. It contained a couple cleaning products, toilet paper, and-

"Jackpot," Alicia said, pulling out a bottle of shampoo and conditioner, as well as a bar of soap.

Deciding they'd prefer to complete any dirty or sweaty tasks before showering, all three of them left the bathroom and headed back out into the living room and kitchen. The cabin was small but cozy; aside from the two bedrooms and one bath it had a living room with an open kitchen, a storage closet, and a front deck with a swinging sofa. The terrain around the cabin was pleasantly green, with a good amount of trees scattered all around them making it feel secluded and private. They had driven right up to the cabin and parked the Toyota facing the deck.

Aden offered to finish unloading the rest of their essentials while Elyza and Alicia armed themselves to do a more thorough perimeter check. They set off first towards the small shed they had spotted behind the cabin when they had arrived. Elyza used her axe to break open the padlock, then pulled on the door, wondering if they'd find anything interesting.

The shed, however, contained no hidden pirate treasures, but rather what you'd normally expect to find in a shed: a bucket with an old sponge inside it, a pair of wellington boots, gardening tools, a coil of rope hanging from a nail on the wall, a set of cushions that looked like they belonged to the swinging sofa, and a couple of spiders.

"This is nice," said Elyza, lifting a corner of the clear tarp that the cushions were wrapped in, "it's a shame we can't stay here. I've always wanted to have a swinging sofa. Back home we-"

"Shhh," Alicia said suddenly.

Elyza looked over her shoulder at Alicia, who had been standing outside the shed and was now looking past it into the trees.

"There's something moving over there," she whispered to Elyza.

Elyza picked up her axe from the shed floor and silently walked back out, coming to stand next to Alicia, following her gaze towards the trees.

There was something crawling close to the ground, a good thirty yards away, and it seemed to be slowly moving in their direction. Then, as Elyza and Alicia stood holding their breath, they heard the unmistakeable growls of a walker. Elyza scanned the trees around it for more of them but couldn't see any. This one must have been a loner who happened to be in the area and heard them.

"Cover me," Elyza said in a low voice to Alicia, who nodded in response and took out her handgun.

Elyza advanced towards the thing, axe held at the ready, Alicia following her several paces behind. Once she was close enough, Elyza could see that the walker was crawling on its stomach because it was missing two thirds of a leg well as a hand; the yellowed bones there were sticking out and they dug into the ground every time the creature pushed itself forward. Elyza could smell it now, the horrible stench of rotting flesh. She fought back a wave of repulsion and gripped her axe tighter.

"I've got it," she told Alicia, indicating that she didn't need to continue following. Alicia was still far enough behind that she might not have seen much detail.

Elyza closed in on the walker and in one swift motion, swung her axe down into its skull. It gave one last gargling, weak cry before its limbs slumped back down to the ground and it became completely still. Elyza freed her axe with a sharp tug, and small flecks of blood splattered her pants. She grunted in disgust and was about to turn around and make her way back to where Alicia stood waiting, when she noticed the walker's back had a sort of hunch to it. It looked as if there was something stuck between its stomach and the ground. She walked around to its side, and at this angle she could see that its belly seemed to be extremely bloated. Driven by some kind of morbid curiosity, Elyza pushed hard against its ribs with the tip of her boot in order to turn the corpse over.

She shouldn't have.

The motion made its belly rip wide open; the skin there must have already been severely damaged from being dragged along the ground. Elyza discovered with horror that the size of its belly was due to the fact that the person had been clearly pregnant before she became infected. As the skin ripped, a nightmarish mix of guts, blood, and a large slimy mass slipped out of its belly and onto the ground.

Elyza stumbled back a few steps, then quickly turned away and brought her free arm up to her face, burying her nose in the crook of her elbow in an attempt to control her nausea. She managed to rush a few yards to the nearest tree and leaned against it, feeling lightheaded, before it became too much and she doubled over to vomit. It seemed to last forever, even though she hadn't eaten anything since this morning so there wasn't much left in her stomach to regurgitate.

When her heaving started to subside, she became aware that Alicia was there with her and had both hands on Elyza's shoulders, steadying her as she moved to stand upright again.

"Are you going to be okay?" Alicia asked her.

Elyza nodded and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She felt clammy, and there was a slight ringing in her ears. She kept one hand on the tree for support.

"Can you walk back to the cabin?"

"Yeah," Elyza replied weakly, "just give me a minute."

"Okay."

Alicia removed her hands from Elyza's shoulders and stepped back a little to give her space. Elyza tried to focus on breathing for a few seconds but she could still smell the gore, they were too close to the corpse.

"Can we move away from it?" Elyza asked Alicia.

"Of course," Alicia replied, and Elyza must have really looked like shit because Alicia moved closer again and put her arm firmly around Elyza's waist.

They started walking back to the cabin, Elyza concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other and letting Alicia guide her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Alicia's head turn to the other side, trying to see where the corpse lay behind them.

"Don't," Elyza said, and Alicia turned her head back to look at Elyza, "Seriously. Don't look."

"Alright. I won't."

They slowly made their way back. Fortunately, they weren't very far, and once they reached the front deck of the cabin Elyza sat down on the steps. The ringing in her ears had subsided and she didn't feel quite as clammy anymore, but she was beyond tired.

"Stay here," Alicia said, and walked up to the front door before opening it and disappearing inside.

Elyza heard her briefly talking to Aden, then she came back out holding a water bottle in one hand and a pack of saltine crackers in the other. She sat down next to Elyza and handed her the water, then five crackers after Elyza had drunk.

"Thanks," Elyza said. She ate her crackers while Alicia remained seated beside her.

"Aden's making your bed," Alicia said when Elyza finished, "no offense, but you look like you really need some rest."

Elyza remembered exactly how sleep deprived she was, and her limbs felt heavier than ever.

"Thank you, I really appreciate that. I'll go clean myself up," she said, looking down at her bloody jeans and shoes.

She willed herself to stand up, and Alicia held the door open for her before following her inside. Elyza crossed the living room, and when she reached the hallway, Aden was walking out of her room holding a folded towel that he must have gotten from the closet.

"Hey," he said hesitantly, his face concerned, "are you okay?"

"Don't worry, I'm just really tired," she replied with an attempt at a reassuring smile.

"Oh. Well, um, here. I didn't know if you'd want to shower first or not," he shrugged awkwardly, offering her the towel.

"Thanks," she said again for the third time in five minutes. Her mind was too befuddled for her to even feel silly or bothered by the entire situation; at the moment, she was just grateful for Aden's and Alicia's kindness.

She took the towel and started walking to the bathroom before stopping and saying, "Wait, what about you guys? You need to rest too. Should we just lock the door so we can all take a nap?"

"Don't worry about us," Alicia replied, "we can sleep tonight. Right now I think I need food more than anything. I'm going to make lunch, I'll set yours aside for when you wake up."

"Okay… if you're sure."

Elyza turned to the bathroom once more and walked in, closing the door behind her. The curtained window above the toilet provided plenty of daylight. Alicia had left the bottle of shampoo and conditioner on the edge of the tub earlier, as well as the soap. Elyza undressed before turning on the shower, then stepped in without delaying. The cold water made her shiver at first, but it felt good, so she closed her eyes and stood under the stream until her hair was entirely soaked through. Then she proceeded to wash her hair and scrub clean every single inch of her body, almost obsessively, as if getting rid of the grime on her hair and skin would get rid of the images stuck in her mind. The corpse that lay rotting less than a football field away from the cabin. The collapsed homes in San Diego. Columns of black smoke rising above L.A. Her shirtless neighbor sobbing on the sidewalk in Sacramento. Her mother.

Elyza was afraid that she wouldn't be able to fall asleep, but once in her room after exiting the shower, drying off, and brushing her teeth; it was all she could do to keep her eyes open while she changed into clean pyjamas. She clumsily slipped into bed went out like a light.

* * *

 **A/N: Guys, I seriously grossed myself out writing the part with the zombie. Lol. I'm not someone who enjoys reading or watching that kind of stuff, so if you didn't like it, don't worry, because I don't plan on doing it often.**

 **Also, I should probably let you know I've only seen maybe the first two seasons of FTWD and about 2 to 3 seasons of TWD, which means there's bound to be elements in that universe I'm not aware of. I apologize in advance if that becomes frustrating for anyone. (I think I might start watching FTWD again though.)**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

It was almost dusk when Elyza opened her eyes. She had only meant to rest for two or three hours so that she'd still be tired enough to go to bed early tonight, but checking her watch she discovered it was currently almost 6:00. Though she felt much better now than she had five hours ago, she did still feel tired, and thought maybe the only reason she had awoken was because her empty stomach was protesting at its lack of sustenance.

She got up and rubbed her eyes before exiting the bedroom into the hallway. She could hear the shower running, but other than that the cabin was quiet. She walked into the living room to find Aden sitting cross-legged on the couch, reading a magazine. He looked up as she entered.

"Hi," she said to him.

"Hi. Are you feeling better?"

"I am, thanks. Starving, though," she replied with a quick smile, before walking to the kitchen.

"There's rice salad in the plastic container, Alicia left you some. And she found blackberries outside! There weren't very many of them, though. What's left is yours."

"Oooh!" Elyza replied, and her stomach agreed with a loud rumble.

She grabbed herself a glass of water, the lidded container, a spoon, and the bowl of blackberries that were on the countertop before sitting down on the couch next to Aden. She eagerly removed the lid from its container and looked inside: Alicia's salad consisted of white rice, tuna, corn, green peas, and what Elyza assumed was olive oil.

"Mmmh," she sighed through her first mouthful of salad, leaning back into the couch and closing her eyes.

"It's too bad all we have to work with is canned stuff. I make a mean spinach lasagna," Aden said.

Elyza snorted and opened her eyes to look at him, thinking he was joking, but he said, "What?"

"Sorry, I just don't know many fourteen-year-olds who can cook a proper meal," she explained, "I didn't realize you were being serious."

"How'd you know I'm fourteen?" he asked curiously.

"I just guessed. Am I right?"

"Yeah."

"I have to say, I didn't know teenagers liked to read _The Adventures of P_ _uffy_ _and_ _P_ _o_ _ofey_ " she replied teasingly, referring to the kids' magazine laying on his lap.

"Shove off," he said with a grin, "it was the only book I could find in the house. It's slightly more entertaining than staring at the walls. I think Poofey is on LSD."

"Kids these days," she said in mock desolation, shaking her head.

She continued to work on her rice salad, pacing herself so that she wouldn't upset her stomach, while Aden finished reading the short stories in his magazine. Alicia emerged from her shower just as Elyza was starting on her blackberries.

"You're up," she said to Elyza in greeting, looking pleased.

"Yeah. Cheers," Elyza replied, holding up the bowl of blackberries, "Aden said you found these outside?"

"I did," she replied, "while I was finishing checking around the cabin. I didn't see anyone – or anything – by the way, so I think we're good for the night."

She sat down on the ottoman on the other side of the coffee table. Elyza noticed slight shadows under her eyes and was reminded that Alicia and Aden hadn't slept yet.

"I'm sorry I wasn't any help," Elyza said bitterly, "I feel stupid."

"Elyza, you _did_ help," said Alicia seriously, firmly holding her gaze. "You helped us that night that the walkers were chasing us, you let us ride with you all the way down here, you shared your food with us and you were nice to us."

Aden was looking at Elyza as well, and his eyes were full of respect.

"We were having a really tough time ever since we left home, you know," he told her. "No one else helped us. No one cared."

"Oh. I – well – okay," she replied, feeling like she didn't quite deserve their gratitude considering how close she had come to leaving them to fend for themselves the night they'd met.

"I moved the car to the back of the cabin," Alicia said after a pause, "is that okay? I'm hoping it'll be less visible."

Elyza nodded, eating the last of her blackberries.

"Crap," she said, suddenly remembering, "I think I dropped my axe by the tree when we were outside."

"I picked it up before we started walking back, I thought you'd noticed. It's still out on the porch, actually." Alicia replied.

Elyza thanked her, then stood to take her empty dishes back to the kitchen. She took advantage of the small amount of daylight left to wash everything, including what Aden had brought back from the car and left on the dining table. Aden and Alicia stayed in the living room; they had found a plain deck of cards and were playing a game of Battle on the coffee table.

When it became too dark for them to see the numbers on the cards and Elyza had finished washing the dishes, as well as retrieving her axe from the front steps and checking that the car was locked, Alicia suggested closing the window shutters so that they could light a few candles she had found in a drawer. She set to doing so, while Elyza decided to test the gas stove. She was pleased to see that it worked. She took one of the clean pots and filled it with soup, placing it over the fire and stirring it occasionally. She wasn't hungry, having just eaten, but she figured Aden and Alicia probably would be.

She served them the soup on the coffee table and kept them company while they ate, and when they had finished they sat back into their seats in comfortable silence. The soft glow of the candles and the sounds of crickets chirping outside were making Elyza sleepy again. Aden's head was resting against the back of the couch and his eyes were starting to droop, and Alicia was yawning, so Elyza suggested they all just go to bed. She got up to make sure the front door was securely locked, then grabbed their two flashlights from the dining table in the kitchen and handed one to Alicia and Aden. She kept the other one for herself and switched it on before going around the room and blowing out the candles. All of them eager to sleep, they bid each other goodnight and retired to their rooms.

* * *

This time when Elyza awoke, it was early morning and the sun hadn't yet risen. It was hiding just beneath the horizon, already providing a small amount of light so that Elyza could make out the shadows of the furniture in her room after she opened the shutters. She had gotten all the rest she could for the moment but she felt like her body hadn't fully recuperated; after all, she could hardly catch up on two weeks of missed sleep in just one night. Feeling fully awake, however, she made her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face before heading to the kitchen to find herself some breakfast.

Not wanting to wake her companions, she was very quiet as she moved about the cabin; making tea, taking out a raisin bread roll, changing out of her pyjamas in her room and grabbing her shotgun so that she could go sit outside.

When she went to open the front door she discovered it was already unlocked. She frowned. She knew she had checked on it last night before going to bed. She set her tea and her bread roll on the kitchen counter near the door, and slowly opened the door with her shotgun aimed at the space outside. Everything seemed as peaceful and quiet as it had been last night. She stepped out onto the deck and saw movement out of the corner of her eye, starting a little before realizing it was Alicia sitting on the swinging sofa.

"Jesus Christ, you nearly gave me a heart attack," Elyza said to her, lowering her shotgun in relief.

"Good morning," Alicia replied, giving her an apologetic smile.

"Morning. I made tea, if you'd like."

"That would be nice. Thanks."

Elyza set her shotgun down near the door, then went back inside to get more bread rolls and an extra cup of tea. She set everything on a cutting board, using it as a tray, and brought it back outside. Alicia had moved to make room on the sofa. She had evidently retrieved the cushions they had found in the shed and unwrapped them from their tarp, either yesterday afternoon while Elyza was sleeping or earlier this morning, and had put them in place.

Elyza sat down on the other end of the sofa so that she could set their breakfast tray in the middle, on the cushion between herself and Alicia.

"That's the last of the raisin rolls, not counting the two I left in the bag for Aden. I'm starting to worry about our food situation," Elyza admitted, thinking about the small supply left in their food carton.

"Me too. I checked everything yesterday afternoon, what we have in the box is all that's left. I think we can get by for about three more days. I wish we could have gone through San Diego, there are so many stores there I'm sure we'd have found something even if most places have probably already been raided," Alicia said.

She went quiet again and stared out at the trees, seemingly lost in thought. She had that look in her eyes Elyza hadn't able to identify when they had been at the tower. But watching her now, sitting with her legs up close to her chest with both arms wrapped around them and her bare feet resting on the edge of the cushion, Elyza realized that it was sadness.

"Did you… know someone there? In San Diego," Elyza asked gently.

She didn't want to seem like she was prying. The three of them had never discussed anything too personal since they'd met, even though casual conversation between them was easy; the subject of families and friends and why they were going to Mexico hadn't yet been breached.

"Yeah. An old friend. He and I didn't keep in touch very often anymore, before everything happened, but still..." she trailed off, lowering her eyes.

"You care about him," Elyza said in realization.

"I did. I do," Alicia replied, keeping her eyes lowered.

"Maybe he got out. We did, we're surviving," Elyza said, trying to provide a note of optimism.

"Yeah. I just wish I could have talked to him again before – before all this. I miss him. He used to be my best friend."

"What made you lose touch?" Elyza asked, curious to know more about Alicia's life even as a small part of her heart sank at learning about Alicia's affection for a boy.

Alicia picked up her tea from where it still lay on the cutting board between them and held the mug with both hands, seeming to take some comfort from the warmth.

"I broke his heart," she replied simply.

Elyza was silent, a little surprised at the straightforward revelation. She wasn't expecting this bubble of trust and intimacy that seemed to be forming around them as they sat sipping their tea and watching the morning light slowly illuminate the yard.

"We were friends for a couple years," Alicia continued. "We went to the same middle school and that's how we met. Then, when we were halfway through high school, we started dating."

"So what happened?" Elyza asked.

"After a while I realized I wasn't in love with him. It was tough to figure out because I loved him so much as friend already, and –" she seemed to blush just a little, "physically, things were okay between us – so at first I figured this had to be it and that he was the one I'd start a family with one day. Even after I broke things off I kept wondering if I had made a huge mistake."

"What made you realize you weren't in love?"

"I didn't feel the way you do when you have a really big crush on someone, you know? The way you get butterflies in your stomach before a date, or how just touching their hand gives you goosebumps, or how you can't stop thinking about them. I thought maybe the reason I didn't go through all of those feelings with him was because I already knew him well and felt comfortable enough not to be nervous around him."

Elyza nodded in understanding before sipping her tea.

"Unfortunately, the feeling wasn't mutual. He really was in love with me. I think he wanted to propose," she finished softly.

"I'm sorry, that must have been hard really hard for both of you," Elyza said.

"Yeah. He left for San Diego right after we finished high school. I know it was because of me, he hadn't planned on going there when we were still together. After we broke up I told him he was still my best friend, and he knew it was important to me to try being friends again. I could tell it was killing him, though. After a while everything was just a mess; we realized we needed to spend some time apart. He needed space so that he could move on. Our entire senior year was kind of shit, and then he moved to San Diego and we barely talked at all for six months… and then the infection happened, and here we are."

Alicia's face didn't show much emotion, as usual, but her eyes were expressive and Elyza could see the guilt and pain that was there. She realized this was something Alicia had needed to get off her chest.

"It's not your fault," Elyza told her, wanting to reach out to lay a hand on her arm, but not knowing whether it would be welcome or not. "I understand how you could feel that way, but it's not. He could have been anywhere when the infection broke out, he happened to be in San Diego but there's no guarantee he would've been safer anywhere else."

"I know. My head understands it's not my fault, but my heart doesn't."

Something about Alicia's last sentence struck the déjà-vu chord in Elyza. The words _head_ and _heart_ stuck in her mind, trying to find their context in a different time.


End file.
